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thesterlingsilverthatturnedgrey
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So it’s exam time of year and I haven’t worked as hard as I should. I’m like most teenagers that have left it too late and ended up freaking out over it.
What’s worse is that I could really use some help but I have none of it from anyone. Neither do I have support.
My family are all in the room next to mine having a laugh and listening to music. How am I meant to concentrate? Here I am sat in a pile of books and paper struggling and they don’t even notice or care.
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Develop the tiniest amount of feelings for a boy and they tell you they’re falling for you and you’re the obsessive one?
Bitch please. Spare me. Let me guess… You’ve been hurt before? You got too close so you need to find reasons to push me away?
We’ve all been hurt. We all know what it’s like to feel the need to push people away for fear of getting hurt again. But you’ve gotta know who to push away and who to keep close. You need space? You had it. You had all the space in the world. I didn’t realise a few texts was obsessive. I’ll keep that in mind. Or not. Because i doubt that other guys will see it that way. You wanna show your friends and get them to tell you I’m crazy too just to verify your opinion? If that’s what will help you sleep tonight then go for it. Im not really bothered. I know I’m not obsessive. Especially not over you.
Honestly? And I’m not just saying this out of bitterness. I’d already started disliking you. Little things you did. Yeah, they started to piss me off.
So I guess I’ve dodged a bullet.
Honey, you’re the best thing I never had.
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I think its you. You’re the reason that I’m suddenly the depressed person I was a few months ago again. At first meeting you was great, it made me happy but now we’re acting like a couple and i think it’s just making me unhappy.
I don’t know what I want. I want you, I want everyone to know you’re mine, but at the same time I want to be single and enjoy the happiness it brought.
Now that I care about you and have feelings for you I’m hurting.
This is why i don’t let my guard down.
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Why do we have to develop feelings for people?
It’s so frustrating.
There I was, enjoying single life, thinking you were gonna be just another one of those boys, and then you decided to be perfect and that’s when feelings developed.
And now thanks to these feelings, I feel unhappy again. It’s like when I feel like you may have changed your mind or found someone knew I get sad. I don’t want to! I want to be happy!
This just proves that im better off alone because alone I was happy and at first when you enterred my life I wad happy but no I’m not. Which is just not right and it’s getting me down so much and every conversation with you makes it worse. And nothing makes me happy!!!!
Why do I still like you?!
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So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.
The Notebook
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Emotions are all over the place today.
Saw him and it was so lovely.
But I have the sense I have done something to annoy him and it’s made me really down. I’m wondering if this is what it would be like to be in a relationship with him.
On the other hand, I’ve got this overwhelming feeling that I want to be with him. I want everyone to know, I want to be known as his and him as mine. I want to put the pictures of him and me on Facebook. I want to have him comment on my pictures and I want to comment on his.
Is that too much to ask?
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I made a rule. A rule that I wouldn’t develop feelings for anyone so soon after my last failed relationship. I know you can’t control it, feelings develop whether you want them to or not. So the rule then was to keep away from people I may develop feelings for, I thought that was more reasonable, more probable.
But then, I met him.
A 20 minute train journey that changed everything. I didn’t know at first, of course i didn’t. All i knew then was that he was friendly and beautiful.
So I started talking to him on Facebook and then texts and then phone calls with each conversation I found myself letting my walls down, letting him in. Its hard not to. Sometimes you just know when things are meant to be, right?
The best part? He likes me too. But the problem is neither of us are really keen on the idea of a relationship right now. Maybe for him, maybe?
We already act like a couple. But maybe the label would make it different, complicated.
I have a feeling sometime soon, I’m not gonna be single anymore.
I think I’m alright with that idea.
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Waiting to get ink’d
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My new tattoo
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Home is where your heart is set in stone.
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Since being single I have had a considerable amount of attention.
I have therefore come to the conclusion that being me it is best that i stay single as I’m happier, more confident and more popular and life is far more exciting, and that i don’t work in relationships.
Life is good.
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Even though you’re not mine and im not even sure I want you to be. All I know is that right now, I want you. I know you want me too, I can’t understand why you would spend all morning kissing me, holding me, wanting me and say you promise to see me later and then you haven’t even spoken to me.
All I know is I miss the taste of cigarettes on your lips.
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Been doing criminology in sociology and there was something about when girls go out dressed in tight fitting, small dresses they are ‘asking’ to get raped. This just goes to show that those who actually think that are fuckin’ idiots. (Source: rapeculturemakesmeangry, via runningheadlong)
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Why promise someone something if you have no intention of following through? What’s worse is being ignored instead of just being given an excuse for the broken promise.
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Oh (Source: dirrtydan)
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Chance Jordan.
17.
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